Lately I have been struggling with my place in this world. I know God has a place for me and I know I am living in South Korea, but are those two places the same? Did God send me to Korea to serve him or did I force myself into a foreign country because I was searching too hard. This question has been bouncing through my head for a couple of months, but I dared not to approach God with the question. I saw his answer being one of two things. Either I am questioning God's path for me or I never listened to God in the first place. I know trying to keep a secret from God is like wearing a bad toupee (You're not fooling anyone), but I couldn't help it.
I also couldn't help feeling amiss. I didn't know what exactly was making me feel this way, but I knew I wanted to get to the bottom of it. First, I thought it might have been my lack of involvement in the church. I did what any “Good Christian” would do and volunteered to help with service. After reading scriptures and saying prayers I still felt the lacking that was there before. My next idea was to dig deeper into the word. I started to read my Bible more. I thought surely hundreds of men in the Bible have had the same problem and the answer was in there. I came into Ecclesiastes and Solomon's “Everything is in vein...” which didn't help my attitude. You would think reading “One should just enjoy their life and what they do because in the end there is nothing else.” would have opened my eyes, yet nothing came from it. I knew it was the right answer, but I couldn't convince myself to appreciate it.
Yesterday my wife and I were talking about our life in Korea. I expressed to her that I wasn't happy (She knew this already from my constant bickering) and she listened to my every complaint. Saying everything out loud was helpful to get to the root of the problem, but not the solution. My complaints really revolved around my expectations. When we signed up to teach in Korea I had pictures of orphanages and dirt floored schools. As naive as that sounds now, it is what I expected. I wanted to prove my faith to God by going to the darkest and dirtiest places on Earth and shining a light. That was going to be our cross to bare. I knew that Korea was a developed country, I just thought we would be in the less developed areas. I thought everyday would consist of my wife and I baring the weight of our cross and holding a candle for the children of the world to follow. In my sick Christian mind, God was sending us to suffer for his good.
Imagine my surprise when I found that we would not be leaving the comfort of shopping malls and fast food. I did not feel like teaching was suppose to be my ministry. I wanted to get my hands dirty for my faith. I wanted to bare the full weight of my cross. Little did I know my heavy cross was attached to a dozen weather balloons being lifted by something other than my own sweat and tears. I was too busy using all of my strength to keep my cross attached to my back to notice that the weight had been relieved. I seemed to struggle with the idea that everyone would see the cross being high and lifted up by anything other than my own strength.
I know God can work just as much through me in my school as he can in the streets and gutters of society, but for some reason it wasn't good enough for me. Being in the schools and shining for God is a noble cause that God sends tens of thousands to do all over the world, but I wanted more. I thought I was meant for something else. My wife, who I sometimes forget is much smarter than me, tried to tell me that preaching in the streets is no better than shining in the schools. One life being transformed in a elementary school can be just as important as one life in the homeless shelter. God has put us here and he knows what he is doing... but I didn't want to listen. Lisa's common sense logic didn't fit into my twisted-Christian mind.
God tried to get to me the easy way, by having my wife open my eyes, but I was too stubborn to listen. So, He went a different way. I wanted to work in the gutters and go to the sick and needy, so God opened the door.
This morning (Sunday) Lisa and I had a Skype date scheduled with some friends from back home. Unfortunately we were stood up, but it was all part of the plan. As we waited for the person to sign on our deadline for leaving for church was quickly approaching. Once we gave up on the Skype date we didn't have enough time to shower and catch the bus, so my wife suggested a Starbucks date instead. I agreed and we got ready to leave. As we walked toward Starbucks I began to brood about my disgruntled life once again. My loving wife listened as we walked on to our first crosswalk. As we approached the second crosswalk we noticed the Koreans in front of us snickering and pointing at something down the street. My wife glanced down and pulled on my hand to get my attention. There was what seemed to be a homeless man lying on his back in the street. My first guess was it was a beggar. In Korea it is not uncommon to see beggars lying on their faces as a symbol of how unworthy they are. They tend to go to crowded intersections and lay in people's way so that they are guaranteed to be noticed. This man, however, was lying on his back in the middle of one lane and shaking his body. I mumbled, “What is that?” Meaning what new scheme has the homeless come up with now. My wife quickly realized what was really happening... the man was having a seizure.
I didn't know what to do. In America it is simple, call 911, but here I don't know if 119 (the Korean equivalent to 911) understands English. Even if they did I wouldn't know how to describe our location in order for them to find us. I looked at Lisa with a dropped jaw and wide eyes and said, “What do we do?!?” My wife (again, much smarter than me) turned to the Koreans in front of us and told them with broken English and gestures, “Call hospital!” The people smiled and nodded theirs heads yes.
My adrenaline started pumping. Not only is this man convulsing and foaming at the mouth, but he is in the street, stretched out across one of the lanes. All of my Doogie Howser re-run training kicked in. I handed my book to my wife and ran to be with this stranger. I had hoped that the appearance of my body sitting up would keep approaching cars from running over the man on the ground. I then rolled the man onto his side to keep him from choking on his saliva or his tongue. Unfortunately my Doogie Howser training failed me after that point. I didn't know what else to do. That is when my real knowledge kicked in. There was only one thing that could help this man at this point, so I grabbed his bloody hand, closed my eyes, and began to pray.
My prayer was short and concise. God knew what I was asking for, I didn't need to get fancy or sing a worship hymn to open my God's eyes... He was there, He was watching. When I finished my prayer I opened my eyes and looked down. The man had the same jaw dropped and wide eyed look I was sporting moments earlier. I told the man, “You are going to be okay.” To which he replied, “Huh?!?” I clarified, “You fell and are laying in the street, but you are going to be okay.” He then said, “Huh?!?” “Oh yes,” I thought, “I am in Korea... he doesn't speak English.” I signaled “Okay” with hand motions to settle his nerves. At this point the man wanted to sit up, so I helped him. He couldn't hold himself up, so I held him until his world stopped spinning. He then tried to stand up, but gravity had other plans for him. I held him and helped him to get his shoes back on. We got up to get out of the street before cars started coming towards us. I tried to get him to sit on the rocks by the road, but he insisted he was okay. The man composed himself and his balance and began to walk. My wife and a Korean couple tried to convince him to stop and wait for the ambulance, but he had no desire to sit. He walked off, without a limp or sway. We all looked at each other in dismay and confusion as he disappeared down the street.
First, I thought, “Wow, did that just happen.” as my wife and I walked silently towards Starbucks. I looked at Lisa and said, “That was intense!” She chuckled and said, “Yes, it was. I wish we could get him to a doctor.” We walked on silently for a few more steps. At which point I interrupted with some incoherent babble, “I prayed. I mean, I don't know if that's what stopped it, but I prayed and it stopped. I don't think it was me or anything. I think it was God. Or it could have been time that made it stop, but I think I prayed and it stopped... I know it was God. It was God.” Lisa nodded and smiled. Anyone who recaps what they believe to be a miracle and doesn't include the “Can you believe that!”speech that comes after is just trying to play it cool. I saw God do something amazing and I was just that... Amazed!
We made it to Starbucks and ordered our drinks. We talked for a short while about future plans and then delve into our books. I couldn't focus, however, everything was bringing me back to the street. I would have to read a paragraph two or three times because my mind was else where. I stopped reading for a minute to listen. God was speaking to me, and He needed all of my attention.
I wanted to sacrifice more to reach God's children. I wanted to give up the life of luxury that we are all use to. I thought the only way to reach those who are desperately in need was to blaze our own path and listen for God's calling while we are on that path. I thought God wanted me to serve these desperate and needy, but he opened my eyes to see that was my own desire. God put us in Korea and if he wants me to reach out to who I see as needing than he can provide that path at any point. I can be in South Africa or The Hamptons and God will put me where he needs me. For now, South Korea is that place. He could have guided us anywhere in the world, but He brought us here. If I truly desire to please Him, then I should stop trying to blaze my own path and let him do it for me.
-David
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